Peace Out

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Peace Out

Happy summer! I hope you guys are catching some sun and just chilling out.

Well…I have some really exciting news. I’ve teamed up with fellow TCAPP kid Meredith, creator of MadebyMer, to make (drum roll please) my very own Sick Chick website! She’s designing the website obviously, I’m just a writer; she’s the one who’s skilled with computers. But still, it’s really exciting! This website will be the new home of blog and so much more.

I’ve always been amazed by the strength of the girls, like Mer, who I’ve met along this journey. I want to create a place that spotlights all of the cool things these girls are doing such as making websites for donations to a special cause, or creating peer mentor groups, or making hospital visits just a little bit more comfortable. I also want to bring these girls together so that we can help each other be even more successful and make an even bigger impact. It only takes one person to make a difference, but there’s a whole team of Sick Chicks and we’re taking the medical world by storm.

I’ll still be blogging and I hope you will continue to follow me at my new location. I also hope you’ll support the other Sick Chicks including Mer who made my phenomenal website, which you can see here at www.thesickchicks.com.

Xoxo,

Sick Chick 

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Shout Out to My Curvy Girls (And Guys)

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Shout Out to My Curvy Girls (And Guys)

Guess what time of year it is…
That’s right it’s scoliosis awareness month!

So this is really near and dear to me because just a year ago I had scoliosis surgery and it changed my life. I couldn’t breathe because my ribs were so twisted, so that gives you an idea of how bad my scoliosis was. My spine is now perfectly straight. And I’m screwed up for life – literally. But honestly, who isn’t in one way or another?

Scoliosis is not like most of my illnesses because it was visible. It was entirely new to me. I thought people would automatically understand, like hello? You can see the curve in my spine, you can see that my hips are uneven, and my torso is lopsided. How can you question that? But people did. Having scoliosis made me realize that unless you have a disease you cannot understand, whether it is visible or not. I’ve learned people will question anything that they can.

I also learned a lot about self-confidence. Heads up we’re going to get real here people so get ready for some awkwardness. I used to hate shopping, clothes did not look good on me. Some of it was probably in my head, but being honest how good could shorts have looked when one of the cuff was higher up on my thigh thanks to my uneven hips? And forget trying to find a bra that fit between my rib hump and uneven boobs – it was impossible. (Side note: I am happy to report that my rib hump is gone, my boobs are now even, and I have found bras that fit!) I couldn’t feel confident wearing those tight dresses that were super trendy a few years ago. I would teeter around in even the smallest of heels (again with the uneven hips) when I would see other girls my age walking like pros in 5 in stilettoes. I still can’t wear high heels for the safety of myself and others around me – I’m a klutz and I own it. Anyway, now that my spine is straight the world of fashion has opened up. And I freaking love shopping. Scoliosis surgery is not a cosmetic procedure and I don’t want anyone to think that. But don’t get me wrong, when you are used to being hunched over and twisted, and are suddenly not it changes your life and how you see yourself. I was terribly insecure about my spine before the surgery. I live in California, yet I would refuse to go anywhere I needed to be in a bathing suit.  Now I’m looking forward to spending all of this summer at the beach and showing off my bad ass scar.

Since this is scoliosis awareness month I want to give a shout out to my surgeon, Dr. Mundis. Not only is he a great surgeon, but he is also great human being. The man brought the nurses and me doughnuts when I was leaving the hospital post-op. How can I not like him? He works with a lot of complicated cases. So he wasn’t phased when I went into anaphylactic shock the day before I was supposed to have surgery and consequently freaked out the entire hospital. He even offered to come in on a weekend to do my surgery if the anesthesiologists were too freaked out to let it happen that day. Dr. Mundis is very involved with a charity called Global Spinal Outreach. I would love it if you all checked out. I am including a link directly to their “About Us” page.

http://www.globalspineoutreach.org/about_us/index.htm

So in closing if any of you are suffering from scoliosis know that, no matter how cheesy it sounds it’s true, you are not alone. There are a lot of us out here who know what it’s like to where those uncomfortable bendy night braces (seriously how do they expect us to sleep let alone breathe in those things?!), or the corset-like day braces (PINK had great shirts to go over those things when I had to wear one in case anyone needs, they are loose enough and long enough), or go through surgery if it gets to that point.

We’re a bunch of curvy, screwed up people, but that just makes us extra special.

Xoxo,

Sick Chick

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Go Ahead And Stare

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Go Ahead And Stare

Hey guys! Sorry it’s been so long, it’s that stressful time of year with AP’s and finals. I just finished school, so I’m officially on summer – thank goodness! So, anyway I’ve had some uncomfortable experiences lately and it made me want to post. Being a chronically ill person you tend to get lots of stares. Because of your scars, or tubes, or wheelchair, or braces, etc. At any age this is uncomfortable. Especially as a teenager or young adult it’s hard. Is that cute guy/girl looking at you or your wheelchair? I know I wrote another post about insecurities and embracing your sexiness, but this one is a little different.  

We don’t have something most people do; control over their own bodies. I can’t control when my heart rate skyrockets, when I lose vision/hearing, etc. I can’t control my insides, but I can control my outsides. I know I talked about how just putting on fun clothes can make you feel better about yourself even on the worst days. This also helps with the whole “are they looking at me or my chair?” it’s helped me say, “no they are looking at me because I look damn good today”.  

If they are going to stare, may as well give them a reason to. Wear a statement necklace, have one of those flash tattoos, wear some awesome new makeup, or be like me – have your hair a different color almost every month. I know not everyone is going to like my hair, heck, my dad doesn’t. But it makes me feel good and confident, which is what matters.  

We are slowly changing and educating society and I truly believe that eventually we will live in a tolerant society where everyone’s differences are accepted. But until this goal becomes a reality let’s not let the ignorance of some bring us down. I’ve accepted that people are going to stare at me. I might as well choose why. 

Xoxo, 

Sick Chick 

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Finding Wally and Other Mother/Daughter Misadventures Along the Way

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Finding Wally and Other Mother/Daughter Misadventures Along the Way

I’m one of the luckiest people I know.

                People who know me, would think it’s crazy for me to say this, and would never use “lucky” to describe me.  I have multiple chronic, invisible illnesses. I have my low times, and yes my low times get really bad, but I always pull through. If I were not medically challenged, as I like to view it, I wouldn’t have had the chance to gain perspective as well as different experiences. My life due to medical challenges is at times a series of misadventures, twists, and turns.  I have learned that fun can be had in almost any situation and location. 

                Many teenage girls are not close with their moms, but I am the opposite. My mom is one of my best friends, and while this is probably not cool to say as a teenager, it’s true and has been made possible by circumstance. I’ve spent a lot more time at home then most teens because of my medical challenges and am homeschooled currently. My mom and I have traveled together quite extensively.  I’d like to say we traveled for pleasure, but no, we’ve traveled all across the United States for doctors and at times looking for Wally. Spending this much time with one’s mother, could have been horrible, but lucky for me, it brought my mom and I closer together. I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her influence. I attribute my positivity to her and my ability to make the best out of whatever hand life deals me. 

                Now, back to Wally.  My mom and I were in Virginia because I needed a specialized surgery. One thing you need to know about us; we have no sense of direction. And that’s an understatement. We get lost with a navigation system. So trying to get around a new city for over a month was extremely challenging. Oftentimes we knew landmarks because we had been lost there before.  One day, while being lost and driving in what seemed to be endless circles, my mom offhandedly said, “This is like trying to find Wally!”  When I corrected her and said it was “Waldo” like in the children’s book, without missing a beat, she replied, “ Everyone is looking for Waldo, that’s why finding Wally is so much harder”.   We were in hysterics and at that moment Wally was born. Wherever we are lost, which is very often, one of us always brings up “looking for Wally”.  Or when we see someone wondering around, who looks lost, we know they too are looking for Wally.  We have even created an entire backstory for him. Wally is Waldo’s shy cousin who is always hiding, usually in closets, which is why he is so elusive. We are always on the look out for Wally in hopes of helping him “out of the closet”. 

                When not looking for Wally, we are often searching for the perfect hotel room to stay in when on our medical trips.  In one hotel in Rhode Island, we changed rooms 4 times in 4 days, before just leaving the hotel for another hotel all together.  The room I hated the most, was right next to a Catholic Church, which meant church bells tolling all the time. If Wally had been hiding in the closet in that room, he would have left in a hurry.  As if the bell wasn’t enough the room was tiny, and calling it tiny was an understatement.  There was barely room to walk between the bed to the wall, and even Wally would have been claustrophobic if he had tried hiding in that closet. It was my mom’s birthday, so my dad sent my mom an extremely large bouquet of roses.  While the arrangement was beautiful, it was very, very large, which meant not only finding a place to put it in our tiny room, but also lugging it with us every time we changed hotel rooms.  Of course, we would have given the vase of roses to Wally, if he had showed himself.   On other medical trips we would change hotels based on the television stations they got or didn’t get, or what shopping malls were close by and once because we needed more space and found an “all suites” hotel. We gave a new meaning to the term “wandering Jews”.  

                 My mom is one of those people that can make anything into an adventure; even being in the hospital and luckily, I have learned to make the best out of my hospital stays. The smell and sounds of the hospital are very familiar, and I have learned to ignore the beeping sounds of the monitors just as well as the nurses do.  And while being in the hospital over a holiday isn’t on the top of anyone’s bucket list, I have learned how to make the most of it.  Not many people can say they have partied in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, but I can!                

                None of my hospital or sick friends would be considered lucky by the standard definition of the word. But for all of us we know it could be worse and we know all we have is our attitudes and the ability to play the hand we have been dealt to the best of our ability. I am lucky to be here. I am lucky to be the person I am today, and I wouldn’t be that person if I were not sick. I am lucky to have the opportunity to become an activist for my community. I am lucky to have the special relationship I have with my mother. Most of all I’m lucky that I have many more misadventures to come.  

***

4/16/16

This is an old post, but still incredibly relevant as it seems things are coming completely full circle. Here we are back in Virginia, still having misadventures, searching for Wally, and celebrating my mom's birthday!  While so much has happened in four years, and not all positive, I can truly say my mom is still one of my best friends. She gives me life advice - whether appropriate or not and fights for me/by my side nonstop. Nothing I can say or write (ever, not just because of cognitive issues) will be enough to say how much I appreciate and love her, but this throwback post is a good summary.

Everyone who knows my mom can attest to her wittiness, kindness, genuine-ness (is this a word? no? well it is now), and compassion. I would not be the strong feminist I am today without her influence and I would not have the outlook on laugh I do without her. I guarantee without her there would be many more tears instead of laughter.

Happy birthday Mom. Here's to many more :) Love you! 

Xoxo,

Sick Chick

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Top Five Things Not To Say To A Teen With Chronic Illness  (and some responses):

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Top Five Things Not To Say To A Teen With Chronic Illness (and some responses):

1)   “But you don’t look sick”

Responses:

a.     “And you don’t look stupid. Oh well, guess we were both wrong.”
b.     “What exactly does sick look like?”

2)   “Aren’t you kind of young to be using a wheel chair, walker, cane, etc.”

Responses:

a.     “Aren’t you kind of young to be so ignorant?”
b.     “It’s a new fashion trend. It’s all the rage in London. It must not have made it to America yet.”

3)   “You just want attention.”

Responses:

a.     “Yes because having to find handicap accessible entrances/exits is so much fun. So is fainting. I really recommend it.”
b.     “There are easier ways to get attention. Like being a mean girl/boy for example.”

4)   “You sure do sleep a lot. You should try to get out and do stuff more.”

Responses:

a.     “Why do you think I’m so pretty? Because I get my beauty sleep. Maybe you should try it sometime.”
b.     “Well as Twitter says; sleep and Netflix are bae.”

5)   “Why aren’t you better yet?”

Responses:

a.     “I’m a method actor and I have an audition for Red Band Society coming up.” b.     “What part of chronic do you not understand? Go pick up a dictionary.”

I hope you liked these and found them useful, or at least funny! If you have any more or better ones post them in the comments :)

Xoxo,

Sick Chick 

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Bringing Sexy Back - Sick Chick Style

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Bringing Sexy Back - Sick Chick Style

Speaking for myself I have never been comfortable in my own skin. This isn’t uncommon for teenage girls, but when you add having multiple scars, being in and out of wheelchairs, walkers, etc., having tubes off and on for various reasons, and all of the other visible things that come with invisible illnesses it makes for an especially self conscious person. It was only recently through struggling with depression (ironic right?) that I have realized it isn’t about what others think, but about what I think. I know I can preach that, but self-acceptance and self-love only come from, well, yourself.  

My body is covered with scars and other so called imperfections. I used to look for ways to hide all of them. I was scared to wear crop tops because I didn’t think guys would think I was pretty if they saw the scars on my spine. I used to pile make up on my face to hide all of the cystic acne that was left over from steroid treatments or from hormonal crap going on. After my PICC placement I wore long sleeves even on hot days, it also covered up my scars from all of the blood draws I have had (it looks like I cut myself on the inside of my elbows where they draw blood because of all of the scars).  

My mom didn’t help with this when she would tell me to put creams on to make these scars and imperfections go away. I know she wasn’t doing this to hurt me. She just knew how self-conscious I was and wanted to help and fix it like all moms want to; she didn’t know she was making it worse.  

This year I truly found myself and now I can honestly say – I don’t give a damn. I realized I love being different. I love having piercings, dying my hair every color of the rainbow when I get bored (which is like all of the time), and I love not dressing like everyone else. I wear crop tops because I feel pretty in them. I wear make up when I want to, because I want to - not to hide anything. I wear tank tops because it makes me happy. Depression made me realize how much time I spent hating my body, blaming it, and as a result hiding it. This ended up making me hate myself and not feel comfortable in my own skin more than a normal teenager. I don’t want any of you to have to go through this, but if you are I want you to know you aren’t alone.  

I know it’s hard to see yourself in a positive light when – if you are like me – you spend most of your days feeling like crap, in pajamas, eating junk food (that is if you aren’t too nauseous), and watching trashy TV. Sometimes all it takes to start to see yourself differently is putting on a nicer pair of pajamas (I used to wear gross stained ones all of the time, and I still do, but if it’s a particularly bad day I avoid these because I know they will only make me feel worse about myself), wearing a cute pair of shoes (doesn’t have to be heels, it can be sparkly converse, just something that makes you feel pretty and special), or doing your hair differently. It’s honestly that simple.  

Having a chronic illness doesn’t make you “ugly”, “unworthy”, “undesirable”, or “not sexy”. You are how you see yourself. I chose to start thinking of myself as beautiful, worthy, desirable, and sexy. And you know what? A lot has changed for me just because of my paradigm shift. I challenge you all to do the same.  

Xoxo,
Sick Chick

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A Sick Chick Original

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A Sick Chick Original

Hey guys! I know it’s been a while, life and illness caught up to me. I’m so sorry! I wrote this song a while ago and somebody recently made me think it would be perfect to post. The worst part about chronic illness is how isolating it is. I think it’s time to change that and so does he. The next post (which will be coming in the next few days – I pinky swear) will be about a way to end this isolation and unify us.

Hopefully these lyrics speak to you.

If you’re ever feeling afraid
I’ll be there to keep you safe
I know you must be feeling alone
Just looking for somebody who knows

And I’ve been there feeling like I don’t know
Where to go or where to turn
I feel it in my heart it burns
I’ve been there feel like no one understands
Take my hand I’ll lead the way
Find some beauty in the pain

I know it’s hard to reach for the stars when you’ve been stuck in the dark
There’s a light that shies even in the rain
Watch and it’ll show you the way 

And I’ve been there feel like I don’t know
here to go or where to turn
I feel it in my heart it burns
And I’ve been there feel like no one understands
Take my hand I’ll lead the way
Find some beauty in the pain

It’s time to shout it out
Bending and breaking out
Weight lifted off your shoulders
Nothing can keep you down
Climb out from underground
Your story isn’t over

I’ve been there feel like I don’t know
Where to go or where to turn
I feel it in my heart it burns
And I’ve been there feel like no one understands
Take my hand I’ll lead the way
Find some beauty in the pain

Xoxo,
SickChick

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